A Snapshot of What 52 Looks Like

Be Kind.

[a photograph of Jodi smiling at the camera from 2023, holding her white electric violin, in front of a dark navy background.]

It is an interesting thing to enter in to a new space with new folks who are 25+ years younger than I am. And being treated either with dignity & respect & comeraderie (which is how I treat them, too), or with disdain. I don’t understand the disdain.

They talk of music, food, traveling and such - all things I have explored as much as possible - more than most have, I am told frequently by friends. I have so much under my belt of what I have done in this life - and they just see “old person” I guess? Which is weird, because I know I don’t look old for my age.

It is odd to me when people decide to peg me as a useless loser. The last time I worked at Cirque du Soleil (after the company was sold to a company in China), this happened to me.

And it is astonishing to me that it happens in orchestra spaces, too. Aren’t we there to work together?

I thought it would get moderately better after I lost a lot of weight (I have lost 30 lbs in the last year, according to one of my doctors), because of society’s mean streak towards folks they deem overweight.

It is also nice, I have to say, that men don’t hit on me anymore all over the place. Of course, I mostly stay home all the time, scared of leaving my safe space due to all the trauma I have endured over the course of my lifetime.*

I read recently that once a woman nears the end of menopause, men stop hitting on her. I am relieved to say it’s my turn now to enjoy that ending.

I just don’t understand cruelty. Why be cruel to each other? I don’t get it. That’s not how I operate.

I decided to continue to be nice to the snobby person last week & this week at orchestra, and her being rude to me in On Her. Not on me.

Maybe if I get snotty at her some time, she would respect me?

I know too many snotty, judgmental people think “nice” = “weak.” I assure you, though, that “nice” = “courage & strength.”

“Nice” is not equal to “Weak.” “Nice” is equal to “Courage and Strength.”

*But Jodi - you traveled all over North America this summer? But you say you stay home most of the time? - Yes. Both are true for me. I am scared of running into people I will see over and over & do something dumb or get judged and hated long term after, in my community. Traveling is a world of people I don’t know & will never see again. It’s a freeing experience. I can bumble through in my usual way, and the bulk of people are helpful and kind or ignore me completely. All of that is lovely.